How to Improve Yourself

Self-improvement is universal to the human experience; we all have things we’d like to change about ourselves. Perhaps you want to lose weight, improve your skills in a certain area, be more comfortable socially, be happier, or more productive. Whatever the ultimate improvement desired, in order to achieve it you may benefit from identifying your specific goals, enacting change, and coping with setbacks.

EditSteps

EditIdentifying Goals

1. Imagine what it could be like in the future. Thinking about future positive and negative possibilities enhances motivation, expectation of successful goal completion, and commitment to self-improvement.^[1] Thinking about a positive future helps you imagine a reality where you are the best self you can be, while imagining a negative reality results in an awareness of what might happen if you do not meet your improvement goals.
   
   • Imagine a miracle happened overnight and when woke up in the morning you were exactly how you want to be. Everything you wanted to improve about yourself happened in the middle of the night somehow. How are you different? How does it feel? Who is around you? What are you doing? Imagine what it would be like to live life as this completely improved self. Based on what you imagine, you can begin developing goals. Perhaps you imagined yourself as being confident and physically fit. What do you think would have needed to happen for this to occur?
2. Determine what needs improvement and what doesn't. It is important to be specific in your goals, and to know which goals are a top priority.^[2]
   
   • Identify your assets (honest, hard-working, loving...etc.) and your liabilities (angry, overweight...etc.). This may help you identify the areas in which you want to make the most improvement.
   • Prioritize your list of goals. Rate each goal from 1-10, 10 being the highest priority for you. Focus on this goal first.
3. Get feedback. Receiving feedback about what to improve upon helps individuals’ performance on tasks, and enhances goal-achievement.^[3] Thus, asking others ways you can improve will help you develop specific goals and motivate you on your journey.
   
   • Start by asking your significant other or family members ways they think you can improve yourself. Make sure you only ask individuals whom you trust and those that will take your feelings into consideration (rather than belittling or criticizing you).^[4] You might be surprised by their answers.
   • Talk to a trusted confidante such as a therapist, a religious leader or even a "sponsor" in a 12 step group. Having an outside party helps reduce self-deception and denial. We sometimes have a problem of being either too hard or too soft on ourselves, but talking to others can help us form an accurate picture of ourselves if we are to improve.
   • Pick which suggestions you can apply to yourself and to practice those suggestions. If a certain set doesn't seem to work, try another! Nothing works for everyone. You need to find what works for you!
4. Make SMART goals. SMART goals are specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and time-bound.^[5][6] For example, your goal could be to lose 20 pounds (specific, measurable, attainable) in 3 months (realistic, time-bound).
   
   • Try this online resource for creating SMART goals at GetSelfHelp.Co.UK.^[7]
   • Break down each goal into smaller goals. For example, if your goal is to lose 20 pounds you will need to develop a plan which will include smaller goals such as: lowering daily calorie intake, exercising 3-5 times per week, and limiting sugar intake.
   • Instead of making grand goals, start by establishing little goals that achieve the grand goal. For instance losing 50 pounds may seem like a daunting task but something like no chocolate for a week may be more viable.
5. Seek out information on how to pursue that change. Information can be gathered from books, articles, friends, family, and professionals. It is amazing how much information will find you when you are ready!
   
   • Think about ways you have made similar positive changes in the past. If you haven’t, think about how others have achieved what you want.^[8] Talk to people who are in your same position and ask for help.^[9] For example, if you want to lose weight, you could sign up for Weight Watchers and go to groups at the center.

EditEnacting Change

1. Make sure you are ready to change. There are 4 stages of change according to the Transtheoretical Model of behavior change.^[10] Identifying which stage you are in can help you determine whether you are ready to make a change or if you need more motivation.
   
   • Pre-contemplation stage: This stage is when there is a problem but you are not aware of it or you are denying it.
   • Contemplation: You are aware of a problem and are contemplating changing it. People can become stuck on this step for a long time until they move on.^[11] You may be in this stage if you are still deciding what to change about yourself.
   • Preparation: You have committed to change and are making a plan of action. You may be in this stage if you are working on your goals.
   • Action: Making the changes. You are in this stage if you are working on your plan on a daily basis. You have a plan and are currently moving toward your goal.
   • Maintenance: You have completed your goal and are maintaining your progress.
2. Be your own coach. Self-coaching or checking in with yourself on a daily basis has been linked to increases in self-improvement, especially in terms of leadership qualities.^[12] Daily check-ins facilitate awareness of your current performance and your ability to achieve goals.
   
   • Ask yourself questions like, “Did I focus on or work toward my goals today? Did I have a positive attitude today? Was I kind to myself today? Did I accept my challenges today? Did I change something for the better today?”
3. Consider outside help. If you find that self-coaching is not helping and you need some outside support, life-coaching has been associated with positive change, and goal-realization.^[13] Additionally, therapists and psychologists are typically trained in interventions to assist you in achieving personal goals, such as Solution Focused Brief Therapy (SFBT).
   
4. Practice, practice, practice! Change may come slowly especially if it is a large self-improvement. Just keep going until your goal is your new reality (the changed you).
   
   • Remind yourself about your specific goals on a daily basis.

EditCoping with Setbacks

1. Acknowledge that setbacks are normal. If change moved vertically, we’d all have an easier time making personal modifications. The truth is, change does not typically follow a distinct path and there may be rocks in the road.
   
   • For example, in weight loss it is not common for someone to continue to lose weight every single day. Some days you may not lose any weight, and some days you may gain some weight. The key is not letting these inevitable fluctuations cause you to give up on your goal. What is important is that overall, you lose weight over time. Know that you can do anything you put your mind to (that is reasonable of course)!
   • Make a list of possible setbacks that may occur during your journey toward self-improvement. Identify ways to deal with each setback.
2. Focus on what you will do in the future. Dwelling on what you did wrong does not help you achieve goals. However, focusing on what you can do now and in the future helps you to. Instead of letting the rock in your path stop your journey, focus on moving forward and learning how to better deal with rocks in the future. You can go around or jump over the rocks.
   
   • For example, if you wanted to lose weight and ending up gaining a pound over the weekend, instead of thinking negatively and giving up on your goal, think something like, "it's okay to have a little fluctuation in weight. I'm going to continue to feed my body healthy foods!"
3. Accept and affirm yourself. Research indicates that individuals who accept their challenges can actually be more motivated toward positive change.^[14] Additionally, individuals who affirm or validate themselves often are more able to think about and understand their challenges.^[15]
   
   • Recognize your strengths and your challenges, even if you have to list all of them down.
   • Understand yourself as an outside observer.^[16] Try to objectively look at yourself by observing your behaviors such as how you act, speak, and think around other people.

EditTips

• Make sure that when you go to bed you feel you've accomplished something that day - it doesn't have to be something life changing in itself, but making the effort to be a little nicer or read a few more pages of that book EVERY day will have more of an impact than occasional large things.
• Be patient with yourself. Pat yourself on your back for "victories" and give yourself a break if you back slide. "Rome wasn't built in a day"! Just keep at it as you are able. Good luck and good for you!
• Trust the process and always believe in yourself.

EditRelated wikiHows

• Be Smart
• Improve As a Person (Girls)
• Improve Your Handwriting
• Get Fit

EditSources and Citations

Cite error: <ref> tags exist, but no <references/> tag was found

from How to of the Day http://ift.tt/1w9ebFq

How to Drink More Water Every Day

Water is essential for human health; over 70% of the body consists of water, and the effects of dehydration can be life threatening. Although there is considerable disagreement among scientists as to the exact amount of water individuals should consume each day, the former “8-by-8” rule of 64 ounces per day is no longer a hard and fast rule. Replacing high-calorie sodas or alcoholic drinks with plain water can help control appetite and weight,^[1] improve sleep and energy levels, reduce the likelihood of dental cavities or tooth decay,^[2] and help manage chronic conditions such as diabetes mellitus.^[3] If you would like to increase your water intake for athletic, dietary, or health purposes, there are many safe and effective ways to do so.

EditSteps

EditMaking Drinking Water More Convenient

1. Understand how much water you should plan on drinking every day. The Institute of Medicine recommends an average of 3.7 liters (125 ounces) per day for healthy adult men and 2.7 liters (91 ounces) per day for healthy adult women, allowing adjustments for activity and health levels, climate and elevation, and the amount of water consumed from food and other drinks.
   
   • Keeping in mind that 20 percent of daily water intake typically comes from food and 80 percent of water intake typically comes from a combination of plain water and other beverages, the amount of plain water you need to drink every day for optimal hydration will vary.
   • Perhaps the most important factor to successfully increasing your daily water intake is making it easier for you to drink water. Try some of these suggestions to make it a cinch to up your daily consumption of water.
2. Carry water with you. Having your own water supply on hand makes drinking water a no-brainer.
   
   • Slip a reusable water bottle into your purse, gym bag, desk drawer, or car, and be sure to refill it regularly.
   • Having accessible water makes you more likely to sip on water instead of soda or other drinks and can provide a visual cue to drink more water.
3. Develop reminders. Try setting alarms or computer reminders that tell you to drink water once per hour, or decide on a few personal “triggers” for drinking water.
   
   • Triggers to sip water can be routine activities such as receiving a phone call, passing a drinking fountain, stretching during work or workouts, hearing someone say your name, or watching commercial breaks during television programs.
4. Lobby for a watercooler in your office. If you have a watercooler or purified drinking system available to you and in close proximity throughout the work day, you may be more likely to grab a glass of water than to head to the kitchen to refill your coffee cup.
   
5. Prepare flavored water in advance. Having a large pitcher of pre-flavored or purified water in your home refrigerator makes it easy to refill your water bottle every morning or to grab a glass of water at each home meal.
   

EditDrinking Unsweetened Water-Based Beverages

1. Sip on unsweetened tea. Herbal or fruit teas are essentially water with natural, non-caloric flavors.
   
   • Try drinking unsweetened tea hot in the morning as a replacement for hot, caffeinated beverages.
   • For a flavorful drink to get you through the rest of the day, try hot or iced teas in a variety of flavors, such as mint, strawberry, peach, ginseng, or lemon.
2. Add lime, lemon, or other natural flavorings to your water. Slipping a slice of citrus fruit into your water can add a subtle flavor to perk up plain water, making it easier to drink more water throughout the day. Try mint leaves, cucumber slices, or berries for other flavor options to add to your water.
   
3. Try carbonated water.
   
   • If you normally drink soda, sparkling water can give you a calorie-free, sweetener-free, fizz-fix with all of the benefits of regular water.
   • If you prefer flavored carbonated water, opt for one with no added sweeteners and only natural flavors. Otherwise, buy plain carbonated water and flavor it yourself.

EditSubstituting Water For Sweetened Beverages and Alcohol

1. Understand that sweetened beverages or alcohol cannot be substituted for water. If you are a habitual soda or juice drinker, or if you routinely drink beer or wine with evening meals, consider swapping water for your typical drink of choice to increase your plain water intake. Although each of these beverages are very high in water content, you can increase your total water intake and remove the side effects of sweetened, caffeinated, and alcoholic beverages by drinking just water.
   
2. Replace at least one drink per day with water.
   
   • Consider a glass of water instead of a second cup of your morning vanilla lattes.
   • Plan to drink a full glass of water with your lunch before opening a can of soda.
   • Alternate between alcoholic drinks and water at parties, bars, or meals.
3. Make water your drink of choice. Replacing soda or sports drinks with water altogether may seem like overkill, but it is the easiest way to increase the amount of regular water you drink every day.
   
   • Instead of keeping a case of soda cans at your desk, consider lugging in a pack of bottled water, or use your new water habit as an excuse to stretch your legs a few times each day on your way to the water fountain.
4. Quench your thirst with water. Studies show that when you are thirsty, water will satisfy your thirst just as well as other beverages, such as sports drinks, soft drinks, or juice.^[4]
   

EditDrinking Water Before, During, and After Meals

1. Make it a habit to down a quick glass around mealtimes. Drinking a glass of water — or at least a few sips — before, during, and after eating any meal is a great way to up your daily water intake.
   
2. Sip water with each meal. Replace your typical drink during meals with water, or at least have water to drink on the side. Not only can this save you money when you eat out, but it can also cut the calories you consume by drinking and make you less likely to consume additional calories from food.^[5]
   
3. Follow up each meal with a small glass of water. Drinking water during and after each meal can help you feel full longer after eating and aid in the digestion of your food.^[6]
   

EditMotivating Yourself by Playing Water Drinking Games

1. Play Water Pong. Water drinking games can help you drink more water. Just remember not to drink too much water, since that can be fatal.^[7] Water pong is similar to Beer Pong, just with water. If you commit to playing it once a week, you'll manage to increase your water intake considerably by month's end. If you want an added incentive to win at this game, decide on a prize before you start playing. You'll need a large stable table with a durable flat (and waterproof) surface, 20 cups, and 2 ping pong balls. Here's how to play:
   
   • Clear everything off your table.
   • Fill each cup with 4 oz. of water. Make sure all the cups are equally filled.
   • Arrange 10 cups at each end of your table. You'll want to position the two groups of cups as far away from each other as possible, so if your table is rectangular, set them up at the long ends of the table.
     • Align 4 cups in a row at the edge of the short end of the table.
     • Line up 3 more cups in a row in front of the line of 4.
     • Place 2 more cups in a row right in front of the row of 3 cups.
     • Place a final cup in front of the row of 2 cups. You'll notice that you just formed a flat pyramid out of the 10 cups.
     • Arrange the remaining 10 cups at the opposite end of the table in the same pattern. Both peaks of the pyramids should be facing in, pointing in toward the center of the table.
   • Take turns trying to throw your ball into one of your cups at the opposite end of the table. When you get a ball into a cup, you get to drink the water in that cup. The person who finishes all their cups of water first, wins!
2. Play Water Bank. This is a great game for a family to enjoy together, but you can also play it with your roommates if you live with other people. Not only do you motivate yourself to drink more water while playing this game, but the winner also gets a cash prize at the end! You'll need a piggy bank, a jar or a decorative bowl to hold the money you collect, and a notepad or a mobile phone to log your water intake each day. Here's how to play:
   
   • Determine how long you will be playing the game. An easy time-frame to remember is the first to the last day of the month.
   • Decide how much each glass of water is worth. Since you'll be contributing that amount of money to the piggy bank (or collection jar or bowl), make sure it's an amount that everyone playing can afford.
   • Every time you drink a full 8 oz. glass of water, make a note of it. You can keep a simple tally in a notebook you carry around with you, keep track on your mobile phone, or create a log on your computer. Make sure that you play this game with people who you trust won't cheat!
   • At the end of each day or week, deposit the value of water you drank into your communal bank.
   • When the game ends, count who contributed the most money to the bank. That person not only earned all the money, but they also drank the most water that month! If there's a tie, split the bounty.
3. Get a Water Card. A water card is just like a coffee card–you get a stamp each time you drink a full 8 oz. glass of water. Once you fill up your card with stamps, you get a prize. You'll need to make yourself a card and either have a pen on hand to cross off your boxes, stickers, or a stamp. Here's how to play:
   
   • Create a table in a word processing program. Draw a 9 x 8 grid, label the top row 1 to 8 and the first column with the days of the week.
   • Copy the table 3 times on the page so that when you print it out, you'll have three cards on each sheet.
   • Cut the cards out and put one in your wallet for the upcoming week.
   • Each time you finish drinking an 8 oz. glass of water, mark it off on your card.
   • Each day or week that you manage to fill your card with marks, give yourself a reward. Rewards can be anything from a chocolate at the end of the day, your favorite scone with your next cup of coffee, or even a new book or movie rental at week's end.
4. Have a Charity Water Drive. Drink water to help a local charity. Pool together with your co-workers to see how much water you can drink in a month. The number of glasses you drink represents the amount of money you donate to your favorite charity. You'll need a white board or a flip chart to log your office's water consumption, and a jar or large envelope in which to store donations. Here's how to play:
   
   • Send out an email inviting people to participate in the Charity Water Drive. Ask them to respond with their top three favorite charities, and the amount they would be willing to contribute per glass of water. The amount can range from a few cents to a few dollars.
   • Determine the length of time that the drive will last and when it will start. Your charity water drive can last a week, or even as long as a month. It all depends on how determined you are as a team to raise money for your chosen charity.
   • Create a grid on your whiteboard or flip chart to track your progress. List the names of everyone participating, and leave a place next to everyone's name where they can tick off their water consumption each day.
   • Mark off your progress at the end of each day to help you determine when you've reached your goal. You can color in the inside of a drawing of a thermometer and celebrate once you've filled it all in.
   • Make your donation at the end of your charity drive.

EditVideo

EditTips

• Adequate hydration allows your body to remove waste, circulate blood and nutrients, support cellular health and biochemical processes, promote proper organ function, and maintain energy levels, among other essential bodily activities.
• You may need to increase your daily water intake during hot weather, time spent at high altitudes, or during periods of physical exertion.
• Try drinking a glass of water at every meal. And one in between, then you can be sure you are getting enough hydration.
• Drink a little water every morning before you brush your teeth for a refreshing start to your day.
• Drinking water flushes out your kidneys, helping decrease the risk of developing infections or other diseases.
• Be aware that you can die from water intoxication which is caused by drinking too much water.
• Buy a flask or a keep a jug with the amount of water you want to drink, and make sure that you drank it all at the end of the day.
• Most people consume enough water in response to their thirst and through their daily routines. If your urine is clear or light yellow you are likely consuming enough water.
• Before you go to bed each night, put in the refrigerator the number of water bottles you would like to drink the next day. They'll be cold and waiting for you when you wake up.
• Remember that food sources and water-based drinks can provide significant amounts of your necessary daily water intake. Foods such as watermelon, oranges, and tomatoes are up to 90% water, and soups, coffee, and juice count toward your daily water needs as well.
• Try to keep track on how much you have drunk throughout the day.
• One way to calculate how much water you should drink per day is to take your weight in pounds, divide that by two, and drink that much water in fluid ounces.
• Remember that water benefits lots of things. It helps moisturize lips, keeps from infections, etc.
• While drinking water, to increase the amount drastically, take mouthful of sips and make sure you drink a glass of water in at least 6 or more sips.
• You should drink water every hour and day. You could also drink some other healthy stuff like milk or juice that doesn't contain sugar.
• Make sure you don't leave drinking water in the car unless it is in a container made of glass or BPA-free plastic. Liquids stored in plastic containers containing BPA have been claimed in numerous studies to be carcinogenic. Many countries, including the U.S., have banned the presence of BPA in baby bottles, but not for general use by older children and adults.

EditWarnings

• In some countries, tap water is dangerous and can cause illness. When in doubt, opt for purified or bottled water sources.
• Increasing your water or fluid intake in the late evening may cause you to have to get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. To avoid this, you may want to limit your beverage intake after dinner.
• Do not attempt to regularly replace food with water as a weight-loss technique. Water is not intended to replace food in your diet, as you need the nutrients from solid foods to survive.
• Drink only when you're thirsty. Your body is its own doctor and will tell you how much water you need. In fact, you're much healthier drinking when you're only thirsty then drinking 8 glasses of water per day! Forcing yourself to drink 8 glasses of water per day gives you nothing but a big fat risk of over-hydrating, which is more dangerous than dehydration.
• Drinking too much water is rare but can cause hyponatremia, an electrolyte imbalance, which can have serious negative health consequences, including death.^[8] By letting your thirst be your guide, consuming water from a variety of food and beverage sources, and following the recommendations of a health professional for health conditions or intense physical activity, you can avoid drinking too much water.

EditRelated wikiHows

• Melt Glass Bottles
• Love the Taste of Water
• Eat Slowly to Avoid Overeating
• Lose Weight by Eating Slowly
• Eat Slowly
• Drink More Milk Every Day
• Get Your Eight Glasses of Water a Day
• Reuse Drink Bottles
• Collect Fast Food Drinking Glasses

EditSources and Citations

Cite error: <ref> tags exist, but no <references/> tag was found

from How to of the Day http://ift.tt/17RKHQQ

How to Kiss

So you finally got "the look" and you're moving in for that killer kiss when it dawns on you that you need help—and fast. If you're game to learn everything you need to know about who, what, when, where, why and how to kiss, you've come to the right place. Pucker up and let's have some fun!

EditSteps

EditInitiating a Kiss

1. Drop hints that you're interested. You can put out some subtle signals that you're angling for a kiss without coming right out and saying it. Here's how to communicate it romantically:
   
   • Get caught looking (briefly) at the other person's lips.
   • Don't purse your lips. Keep them softly parted — not so much that you could breathe comfortably through the opening, but enough that you could bite your bottom lip easily.
   • Make your mouth appealing. Use chapstick or lipgloss to smooth over flaky lips, and keep your breath fresh with mints or spray. Avoid gum, which you might have to spit out awkwardly if the other person goes in for a kiss.
2. Break the kiss barrier (optional). If you're feeling brave, test the waters with a small kiss on the hand or the cheek. If the other person seems interested, it's probably safe to proceed with a kiss on the mouth.
   
   • If you're kissing a girl: Take her hand and slowly lift it to your mouth. Gently press your lips into the back of your hand for 2 or 3 seconds before breaking away.
   • If you're kissing a guy: Lean in and plant a 2- or 3-second kiss on his cheek. Keep your lips soft, and avoid puckering like you would if you were kissing a family member. If you want your intentions to be extra clear, aim for the part of his cheek just to the side of his lips.
3. Set the mood with a romantic compliment. Go big and pay the other person the sincerest compliment you can think of. If you get it right, the other person might take the lead and lean in to kiss you.
   
   • Say it in an intimate way. Lower the volume and tone of your voice slightly, and lock eyes. Not only does this communicate that you have deep feelings for this person, it entices him or her to come closer to hear you.
   • Focus on an alluring quality. Even if you truly think that your date is an amazing basketball player, now might not be the best time to bring it up. Instead, base your compliment on how you see your date as a romantic partner. Try these lines:
     • "You are SO beautiful."
     • "Your eyes drive me crazy."
     • "I love to see you smile."
     • "I can't even believe I'm lucky enough to be with you right now."
4. Consider asking for a kiss directly. If all else fails, go for broke and state your intentions. If your date hasn't picked up on any of your hints and you're dying to lock lips, you might as well be straightforward and just ask if you can kiss him or her. Don't worry, though — you can be direct while still being romantic and compelling. Try these phrases if you're at a loss for words:
   
   • "I'd love nothing more than to kiss you right now."
   • "I'm sorry if this is too forward, but I'd really like to kiss you."
   • "I want to kiss you so much that it is just about killing me."
5. Go in for the kiss. Don't waste any time once you have the go-ahead — close your eyes, lean in and smooch! The next sections will discuss some kissing techniques, as well as how to handle kissing in different dating situations such as a first kiss or kissing after a date.
   

EditKissing Techniques

1. Keep your lips soft. Tense puckers are for family members or people you're obligated to kiss, but keeping your mouth slightly parted and soft communicates a sense of openness.
   
2. Do a few soft kisses. Start slow with soft, gentle kisses and skip the tongue and the teeth — for now. If your partner seems receptive, you can move forward to French kissing.
   
   • Try to avoid letting your lips smack. The noise can be distracting, and might break your immersion in the moment. If you do find yourself smacking, slow down and part your lips a bit more.
   • Stay light at first. Avoid smashing your lips against your date's mouth — for now. Kissing softly and gently gives the other person the chance to stop if it's uncomfortable, as well as allowing you to gauge his or her interest.
3. Stay at a manageable level of saliva. Slobbery puppies are the last thing you want your date thinking of while you kiss him or her. Avoid this fate by swallowing excess saliva occasionally. If you notice that your lips are a bit too wet, pull away and discreetly purse them to bring the extra spit back into your mouth.
   
4. "Lock" lips. If your initial kisses have gone well, try a lip lock, which can lead to closer kisses (and is a nice gateway for French kissing). Basically, you'll "stack" your lips so that (for instance) it looks like this:
   
   • Your lower lip
   • Your partner's lower lip
   • Your upper lip
   • Your partner's upper lip
   • At first, putting your date's lower lip between yours is the safest bet. Most people have larger lower lips, making them easier to grab gently with your lips.
5. Make sure to breathe. Ideally, you'll be able to breathe softly through your nose while you're kissing. If that's not possible, though, break away for a second to take a breath.
   
   • Don't feel self-conscious about being out of breath or needing to take a break for a second. Breathing hard is an indication that you're nervous and excited, which your partner will probably find flattering.
6. Use your hands. Don't just let your hands hang at your sides like two limp fettuccini noodles — put them to good use!
   
   • Place your hands lightly on your partner's shoulders or around his or her waist. (In Western culture, girls generally put their hands on a boys shoulders while he puts his hands around her waist.)
   • Take the intimacy up a notch by pulling your partner in closer.
   • Put your hands on the sides of his or her face, using your thumb to sweep across the cheekbone, or put one hand under his or her chin and tilt it upward.
   • Another seriously sensual move is to put both hands around the back of your partner's head and tangle them in his or her hair, gently pulling.
7. Test using tongue. Once you're in a lip lock with your partner's lower lip between both of yours, lightly run the tip of your tongue over it. If you can move it slowly, even better.
   
   • See how your partner responds. If he or she presses in closer or returns the gesture, you're probably clear to keep increasing the intensity of the kiss. If your date pulls away, maybe it's best to pull back the tongue for now and stick to lips-only kisses.
8. Try French kissing (optional). Using your tongue during a kiss is, in Western culture, referred to as a French kiss. Why do the French get the credit? Who knows! Here's how to get started:
   
   • Sweep your tongue along the inside of your partner's lower lip. Try to move slowly and lightly at first, increasing speed and pressure only if your partner seems to respond well.
   • Slide the tip of your tongue inside your partner's mouth and gently move it against the tip of his or her tongue. Use light, darting motions and keep your tongue moving — letting it sit limply in your partner's mouth isn't appealing and will bring a quick end to the kissing.
   • Try deeper and harder strokes if your partner seems responsive.
9. Mix it up. Don't feel obligated to keep the intensive tongue activity going forever. Alternate soft and hard, slow and fast, deep and shallow. You can even go back to using only your lips for a few minutes.
   
   • Alternating your technique will keep your partner from being able to predict what's coming next. Maintaining this sense of surprise and spontaneity helps your kisses avoid becoming stale.
10. Gently nibble your partner's lips (optional). Teeth aren't a necessary element of kissing, but a grazing them over your partner's lip can introduce another unexpected element. Here are some quick pointers:
    
    • Keep the pressure as light as possible. Remember that you're aiming to nibble, not bite.
    • Move slowly. Again, keeping your pace gentle will help prevent accidentally chomping on your partner's lip.
    • When your lips are locked, place your teeth over your partner's lower lip and slowly pull back until your teeth are almost at the end of the lip. Pause for a moment, then resume kissing as usual.
    • Don't break out the biters too much. They should be an occasional perk, not the main attraction.
    • Be prepared for rejection. Not everyone likes a side of teeth with their kisses. If your partner doesn't respond well, try not to be too offended — it's probably a matter of personal taste, not a lapse in your technique.
11. Increase the intensity with occasional breaks. Pull away for a moment to look into your partner's eyes, whisper something in his or her ear, or simply catch your breath and marvel at your good fortune.
    
    • Instead of putting a damper on the action, these small moments can actually make kissing more intimate. It gives your partner the sense that you see him or her as a complete person, and not simply something to kiss.

EditHaving Your First Kiss

1. Try to pick a trustworthy partner. Smooching someone you trust can ease a lot of the anxiety of your first kiss. If you knew you were giving someone his or her first kiss you'd try to be patient and understanding, so expect the same of your partner.
   
   • Keep in mind that an awkward first kiss isn't the end of the relationship (or the world). Actually, it can build intimacy through having a shared experience. As long as you can laugh it off, you'll be fine.
   • Remember, everyone has gone through having their first kiss. Odds are that most people are more awkward about it than you'll be, even if you don't know it.
2. Prepare your mouth. Use chapstick or lipgloss to smooth over chapped lips, and brush your teeth and tongue well. If your mouth feels a little stale, use breath mints or spray to freshen up.
   
   • Knowing that your mouth is clean and appealing can help you feel more confident about kissing.
   • That being said, though, don't feel like you need to obsess over cleanliness. Most mouths just "taste" warm, unless you've recently eaten something pungent (like onions or garlic) or you've just woken up in the morning.
3. Don’t rush. You only get one first kiss! Unless you’re both so overwhelmed with desire that you have to kiss right now or the world will end, draw it out. It can be tremendously exciting and sensual to tease the kiss before it happens, keeping eye contact the whole time.
   
4. Let the other person take the lead (optional). If you're nervous about not knowing the right techniques, let your partner initiate what happens during the kiss. Imitate what he or she does until you're comfortable trying your own moves.
   
5. Take a few calculated risks. As you become more comfortable with kissing, try to take the lead on initiating kisses or working on new techniques. If your partner doesn't respond well, simply write it off as personal preference and try something else.
   

EditKissing After a Date

1. Get close. Since the possibility of a goodbye kiss always beckons—and assuming it’s your desire—it’s best to start getting close sooner than later. Otherwise, you will find yourself saying your goodbyes with what feels like a chasm between you, making the swoop in for the kiss very conspicuous and awkward.
   
   • Guys, this is when you get the dreaded last-minute-turn-and-kiss-on-the-cheek routine, which is second only to the phrase, “You remind me of my brother,” for most-deflating date ending. As you walk your date to the car, the door, etc., put your hand (or a jacket) on your date’s shoulder or back. This breaks the touch barrier, gently lets your date know your intentions, and gives you an excuse to stand very close all at the same time.
2. Watch your date’s reaction. If your date angles his or her body away from you or speeds up to create distance, don’t try to complete the goodnight kiss—and don’t let your ego make a fool of you. Simply flash a big smile, thank them for the lovely time, and go about your business. It could simply be that your date isn’t ready to kiss yet.
   
3. Maintain eye contact. Making eye contact while standing close is a universally acknowledged indicator that a post-date kiss is about to take place.
   
   • If the eye contact becomes too long, break and reestablish it as necessary; it’s better to let your eyes dart around than subject your date to an interrogation-style stare down. One good way to break eye contact while maintaining the romance is to glance down at your date’s lips
   • It may feel awkward to make your desires so clear, just remember that by giving your date a heads-up, you will make the kiss go much more smoothly and improve the odds that it will turn into a glorious make out session. Trying to plant a kiss by surprise, on the other hand, may result in bumped noses and teeth, a startled pullback, and much awkwardness.
4. Stop the conversation. When people get nervous, they often compensate by finding anything to talk about, killing the kissing opportunities.
   
   • While you shouldn’t try to end the conversation abruptly, which might come across as trying to get over with your goodbyes, you shouldn’t encourage your date to ramble, either.
   • Let the chatter die down by keeping your responses friendly but minimal.
5. Consider breaking the kiss barrier. If everything is going well but you’re not quite ready to dive into full-blown romantic kissing, lean in for a hug and kiss the person on the cheek.
   
   • Don’t confuse this with a friendly peck smack in the middle the cheek; make your feelings clear by placing the kiss close to the ear or mouth and letting your lips linger for a second, or whisper something flirty in their ear with lips touching. This will help the other person know that the kiss isn't meant in a platonic context.
6. Keep it simple. If this is a first kiss with this person—or, more importantly still, a first date—don’t overdo it. Keep your lips softly parted and either plant a straightforward kiss on your partner’s lips or up the ante by gently locking lips.
   
   • Resist the temptation to kiss hard or with tongue, unless you've been chasing this person for quite some time. It might seem too forward and shut down future opportunities.
7. Follow your date’s lead. Pay attention to how your date responds and moves during the kiss. If they lean closer or linger, you may be able to transition into more romantic kissing; otherwise, end the kiss by pulling slowly back, reopening your eyes to make eye contact, and smiling.
   

EditNon-Romantic Kissing

1. Pucker your lips. Having your lips puckered keeps them tight and somewhat closed, indicating that you're unwilling to open your mouth for more intimacy. Most people will read a pucker as strictly platonic.
   
   • To know if you're puckering your lips correctly, kiss in the air. How loud is the kissing noise? It should be a clearly audible "pop" of your lips as you part them while sucking air in. A romantic kiss will barely make this noise because your lips are much more relaxed.
2. Make your intentions clear. If you want to kiss someone on the cheek and that someone is at risk of misinterpreting your intentions, make it clear that you're not going for the mouth by turning your head off to the side before you lean in. Try to plant the kiss squarely in the middle of the cheek so that it's not veering for more romantic areas such as the ear or mouth.
   
   • If you're uncomfortable actually kissing the other person's skin, try air kissing. Lean in so that your cheek is touching the side of the other person's cheek, and kiss the air with a few quick and audible puckers. For extra effect, pull back, switch sides, and do it again.
3. Keep it brief. The amount of time your lips spend on the other person's cheek or lips should be limited to whatever it takes to make that kissing noise described in the previous step—nothing more. If your lips linger, it won't seem so platonic.
   
4. Kiss out of respect or worship. Bow or kneel before the other person. Look up in respect. Remain in this position during the kiss. Take the person's hand gently and bring it close to your lips.
   

EditTest Your Knowledge

Kiss Quiz

EditVideo

EditTips

• Live in the moment. You will not kiss as well if your mind is somewhere else. For example, when kissing, try to avoid thoughts like "What is he/she thinking about?", "Do I look good tonight?", or anything else. Don't be too self-conscious, or have any thoughts outside the kiss if you can help it. Instead, concentrate on the way the other person's lips feel against yours.
• If you aren't getting the kiss that you expected, you may want to read How to Deal With Common Kissing Issues to troubleshoot problems that many people run into.

EditWarnings

• Be aware that kissing (especially deep kissing) may transmit infectious viruses, such as herpes simplex or infectious mononucleosis.

EditRelated wikiHows

• French Kiss
• Get Kissable Lips
• Make Out
• Kiss a Girl
• Kiss a Boy
• Have a First Kiss
• Kiss Passionately
• Make Her Want Your Kisses
• Kiss in Public
• Turn Your Partner On
• Stop a French Kiss
• Kiss Him Like You Mean It
• Kiss Someone You Love
• Describe a Kiss
• Lean in for a Kiss
• Kiss Your Guy

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