Learn how to do anything: How to Show Love

Showing our love towards those who deserve it is an art. Love is a bright but delicate flame that must be nurtured into a passionate fire. When you feel like you are ready to show your love for someone, you must do so with care and more than a little bit of bravery.

Steps

Showing Love through Your Words

Give them compliments. Sometimes it's easy to think that the people around us know how much we care for and appreciate them, when it reality they have no idea. To make it clear to them how much you do value them, dole out the compliments when they come to mind. Was dinner absolutely incredible? Say it. Do they look really good today? Say it. Do they get you like no one else gets you? Say it. They'll beam with pride.
- Keep 'em genuine, though. If you don't like her hair, don't say you do. If you don't like his cooking, don't lie (instead, say you love the time and effort he went to). Compliments don't mean anything if you don't mean them, too. What's more, they may see right through them.
Encourage them to be happy. Let's say you're dating a guy or girl and you broach the topic if you going to grad school. They immediately shut you down, telling you that it's too much time and it's too much money. Would you feel very loved? Probably not. So when you want to show love, keep their wants in mind. If it makes them happy, encourage it.
- Let's put this on a smaller scale: say your boyfriend or girlfriend comes home from work and is totally exhausted. You had a night out planned that you were really excited about. But instead, you say to them, "Hon, you're exhausted. How about I make you a drink and we just hunker down in front of the TV?" Talk about true love.
Ask for their advice. Whether it's your mom, a neighbor, a friend, or a romantic partner, asking for someone's advice shows that you value and trust their opinion. It makes them feel good about themselves, reinforces their worth, and makes your relationship that much stronger. So whether or not you really need it, why not ask anyway? You'll probably take something away from the talk whether you need it or not.
- It doesn't have to be anything huge, either. Ask them if they have a restaurant they like that isn't in your rotation, or where they go to get their car tuned up. Life crises are great advice-seeking material, but you won't want to fake one of those.
Thank them for even the little things. Imagine you've been in a relationship for a few years. You two naturally divvy up the chores at home – you clean the dishes, he or she takes out the garbage. This is just a thing you do. The fact of the matter is that your partner probably isn't crazy about taking out the garbage, so go out of your way to thank them. They'll be so much happier to do it when they know their actions are appreciated.
- Take a second to think about this person in your head. Odds are they've done a handful of things with you in mind that you didn't even register. Did they buy extra groceries? Wash your towels? Wait for you in the parking lot? They're showing you that they love you, so show them some reciprocity by thanking them in return.
Let them vent – in fact, ask them to. It's usually not too hard to tell when someone we care about is steaming at the ears. If someone you love is clearly upset, preoccupied, angry, or anxious, ask them to open up. Let them know that you'd love to listen to whatever is going on in your life. Why? Because you care. It's what loved ones do.
- And while they're venting, do your best to be a good listener. Put down your phone, listen to the words they're saying, and put thought into your responses. And if you don't know what to say, a nice hug helps, too.
Tell your secrets. Though it sounds a little cheesy, a good way to show someone that you value them above pretty much everyone else is to share your secrets. This makes them feel like they're in the platinum-tier of your relationships, which can feel pretty dang good. Of course, only tell them if you feel comfortable. There are other ways to show love if you're not ready for this step!
- This should only be done if you and this person are very close and you know for a fact you can trust them. Telling your secrets should not be wasted on a crush or a fly-by-night friend. Make sure the relationship is solid before you go ahead divulging your deepest, darkest secrets.

Showing Love through Your Actions and Behavior

Give them your undivided attention. Whether they're ranting or not, to show your love without using words, do it with your eyes and your body. Put your phone away, angle your body towards them, and hang on every word. When's the last time you had someone paying attention to you so thoroughly you realized it? It's a pretty rare, and awesome, feeling.
- This is a good idea when there's no special occasion. They walk in the door, you ask them how their day was, and it's clear that you mean it. It doesn't have to be a heated debate or hot gossip; they should have your undivided attention if they were going through the grocery list. it's when they don't expect your attention that it matters most.
Touch them. Humans have a weird thing about being touched. We need it to thrive. We need to feel social and as if others around us care for us and can keep us safe. It's totally innate. What's more, research has shown that we subconsciously like people that touch us more than those who don't.^[1] Not only can you show your love through touch, but you solidify your relationship, too.
- This isn't just for people you have an intimate, sexual relationship. Even a hand on the shoulder as you pass by, a high-five, or a pat on the back has the same effect. It breaks down physical barriers, giving the cue that you acknowledge their presence, care about them, and feel close. And it'll feel good.
Do something complicated for them that takes effort. Imagine if someone you loved bought you a boat. A really, really nice boat. Odds are that you'd probably be thrilled (let's just hope you know how to sail). Now let's say that someone else you loved spent hours on the phone, consolidated all your credit card debt, filed all the paperwork and got you down to a lower monthly payment, all of which improved your credit score. Now which one shows more love and thought?
- Sometimes the most thoughtful gifts, the ones that truly show others we love them, are the ones that take work. If you have a friend that needs a ride to the airport but needs that ride at 5 AM when you're sleeping, offer it anyway. If it's something that inconveniences you, it's a big deal. You get nothing from it, so it's clear you really care.
Reinforce an inside joke or memorable moment. Relationships are all about those little moments we spend together that no one else really understands. To show that these moments mean a lot to you, reinforce them. How? Make a mixed CD of all those songs you geek out to. Get a photo mug made from that trip you took to the beach. Give them something to remember your good times – the effort you went to will show how much you liked them, too.^[2]
- It doesn't have to be anything big, it just has to show you're paying attention. Did they mention how they always wished they had their own personal stock of Splenda? Bring them some packets. Did you once joke about mac n' cheese donuts? Make it happen. Now that moment is twice as memorable.
If you're in a romantic relationship, wear something you know they like. Does your boyfriend love that red dress? Surprise him with it one night. Does the lady adore you in those glasses and a scarf? Sure, it's not that hot out, but don it anyway. You don't have to say anything about it either – rest assured they know you're doing it just for them.
- That goes for scents, too, and just about anything else. Do they prefer a certain wine? Bring it home. A certain pizza? Give in once in a while. Don't put yourself out, but do give in once in a while. They'll be more likely to mirror your actions, and you'll both be happier.
Give them a good, lengthy hug. A kiss goodbye is nice, an "I love you" is great, but when's the last time you got a hug so good that it moved you emotionally? That should be your aim. A solid 7 seconds should do it.^[3] Scientist don't really know why, but that's the amount of time it seems to take to establish a true connection.
- This isn't a pity or a consolatory hug. This is the super hug just for no good reason at all. If you haven't caught on, doing stuff for someone for no good reason is the best reason. No holiday is making you feel obligated, no circumstance is making you feel bad, you just want to do it because you care.

Making Unmistakable Gestures of Love

Do small gifts more often instead of large gifts rarely. Imagine that you gave your mom the grandest bouquet of flowers that ever existed – and then you didn't call for four months. Would she see that bouquet as a token of love or just as a bunch of flowers? Probably a bunch of flowers. So skip the boats. Dinner will do.
- Forehead kisses are to french kisses what small gifts are to large ones. Forehead kisses are un-wanting, not expecting anything in return; french kisses are sexual and looking for gratification. Small gifts are just to say, "I'm thinking of you"; large gifts say, "I want you to think about me." If you get a chance to grab your dinner date a napkin and a straw, do it. Sometimes the grandest gestures are the smallest.
Plan something to do together. Not just dinner or a movie – something you're actually doing together. Experiencing together. Be it a dance class, a painting lesson, skeet shooting, whatever. Then, when you think of thing you did, you associate it with them (and they with you). It's the ultimate bonding experience, and the fact that you arranged it speaks volumes.
- This shows that you went out of your way to do something and you want them to be an integral part of it. You could take a dance class alone, you could go skeet shooting, but you want them to be in your mind every time you think about it. If that doesn't show love, what does?
Make them their favorite meal as a surprise. Again, this is a good one for no reason at all. It's just Tuesday, and they come home to their favorite meal, down to the drinks, desserts, and appetizer? Talk about effort and showing you care. If someone did that for you (and they knew what your favorite meal was without asking), wouldn't your heart just be thrilled?
- So, you're not the greatest cook, eh? Not a problem. Simply arrange their favorite something. They love horses? Plan a horseback ride. Balloons? Fill the bedroom with them. Anything that you do that you know they love shows them that you know them, you're paying attention, and you want to make them happy.
Introduce them to everyone you know – and proudly. Everyone wants to be the prized friend, boyfriend or girlfriend, or even sibling. And getting that feeling doesn't happen too often – imagine if you could give it to them. The next time you get an opportunity, don't say, "This is Dale. He's my dad," say, "This is Dale. He's the best dad ever." And then watch him blush!
- A little public recognition sometimes means a bit more than more private moments, sometimes. You telling your dad that he's the best over dinner is something he'll definitely appreciate it, but you telling your friends he's the best will likely make him well up with pride.
Make room for them in your life. Any relationship is stronger when things are shared, whether it's a significant other or just a good friend. What can you share of your own life? A dresser drawer? A special glass just for them when they visit? School supplies? Making them a literal part of your life through tangible objects gives them something to hold onto that says you care. ^[4]
- We all have busy lives, and everyone knows it. Nowadays to show someone you love them, sometimes all you gotta do is make a little time for them, too. Tell them that they're important to you and that you will work around both your schedules to see each other. When you do that for them but not for others, it'll be hard to ignore how much you care.
Remember that some people recognize or show love in different ways. You can show love all you want, but if you're not speaking their love language, they may not get it. For example, some people may show their love by kissing and touching, while another person may show love by doing things or just having quality time with the one they love. To get them to see it, you may need to fine-tune your music to match your beloved one's needs and expectations. It's not that you're doing it wrong, you're just not doing it the way they expect.
- It's a good idea to show love in a bunch of different ways, just to cover your bases. If you want to make them feel really appreciated, show them verbally and physically how much you care. Do little things and do big things. Do quiet things and do loud, un-ignorable things. Then you can rest assured your love is shown.

Tips

You'll have to think about your own versions of showing love or you'll fall into the trap of copying existing clichés. The more customized and personal you make it, the more real and effective it becomes.
A very important skill to show love is listening. When you listen, you pick up things that the person you love tells you, such as their likes, their dreams, etc. You can later use this information to surprise them with something special that you can do for them. The ideas can be tailored to your or your recipient's personality(ies).

Warnings

Don't use one sentence or phrase too many times. Don't use them mechanically. Words lose impact with repetition.

Sources and Citations

Related wikiHows

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Learn how to do anything

Thursday, July 16, 2015

How to Show Love