It's hard to see the people that you care about feeling sad, especially when you don't know what to do to make them feel better. Thankfully, there's a lot you can do to help lift someone's spirits. If a girl that you're close to is having a difficult time, try out these tips to help her see things from a more positive perspective.
This article is based on an interview with our professional dating coach, Connell Barrett, founder of Dating Transformation.
[Edit]Steps
[Edit]Text her encouraging messages throughout the day.
- Send some positivity her way. It may seem small, but that extra dose of hope can really help someone feel happier no matter what they're going through. Text her that you hope she's having a good day or that you can't wait to see her when you're both off from work. If you can't think of the right words, send an encouraging GIF or a YouTube clip from her favorite TV show.[1]
- If you have some extra time on your lunch break, text her, "Hey hope your day's been great so far :)"
- Send her a motivational meme along with the message, "You can do this!"
- Send her a GIF of a cute kitten with the caption, "Thought you might appreciate this. Can't wait to see you later today!"
[Edit]Ask questions about how she’s feeling.
- Give her the space to vent and process her emotions with you. Oftentimes, people who are sad just need some time to talk about their feelings in order to cheer up. Ask if she would like to talk about whatever happened that's made her sad or how she's feeling about it all now. If she says she's not ready, tell her you're always there if she changes her mind.[2]
- If you notice that she seems upset, say something like, "Hey, are you okay? Do you want to talk about it?"
- Maybe you noticed that she was sad in class today. When you get home, text her, "Hey, just wanted you to know that I'm always here if you need anything. Is everything alright?"
[Edit]Listen to her.
- Make an effort to hear her perspective. Make direct eye contact, nod your head as she speaks, and reflect on what she says to develop a deeper understanding.[3] Try to limit any distractions while you talk by putting your phone away and turning off the TV.[4]
- To reflect on what she's just told you, say something like, "Man, this sounds like it's been a really upsetting experience" or "It seems to me like you've been put through a lot the past couple of days."
- You can also ask follow-up questions to learn more about her point of view. Try, "How are you feeling about the experience now?" or "What have you been doing to get through this?"
[Edit]Validate her perspective.
- Knowing that your feelings are valid is a huge help in feeling better. Make an effort to empathize with her perspective in conversation, and directly express that you understand why she would be feeling so upset. Even if she's sad about something that you haven't experienced before, try to put yourself in her shoes and imagine how she may be feeling. Knowing there's someone out there that understands her will likely ease her feelings of sadness.[5]
- Use reassuring, empathetic statements, such as, "I completely understand why you would feel that way" or "That's totally valid. I'm so sorry that happened."
[Edit]Offer to help her.
- Ask if there’s anything that you can do to make her feel better. Your offer alone will make her feel cared for and hopefully cheer her up, and there may be specific things you can do to make her feel happy again. She may need advice or simply some time to vent.[6]
- When you notice that she's sad, say, "I'm so sorry you're feeling down right now. Is there anything I can do to help?"
- Alternatively, text her, "I know things have been hard lately. Let me know if there's anything I can do to make things easier."
- Avoid giving advice or trying to solve the problem before asking her first. Sometimes when people are sad, it's more helpful to just be there for them while they talk through their feelings. She might not be looking for specific solutions.[7]
[Edit]Give her a hug.
- If she's comfortable with it, comfort her with physical affection. When you hug someone that's upset, their body responds by producing oxytocin. This hormone can immediately make a person feel a natural high that lifts up their mood. If the girl you're with is sad, ask if she would like a hug or see if she would like your arm around her shoulder.[8]
- If she says no, respect her answer and help her feel better in alternative ways. There are so many ways to make a person feel happier, and physical affection is only one of them.
[Edit]List all the reasons that you like her.
- A little encouragement can help her tackle what's making her sad. First, think about all the reasons that you like her, and focus on more than just her looks. This could include her sense of humor, her generosity, or her knack for always picking the best restaurants. After you've thought of a good list, tell her why she's so awesome next time you see her in person, or send over a text.[9]
- Text her something like, "Hey, just thought you should know that I think you're the coolest girl in the world. You always know how to make me smile and you're the most generous person I know."
[Edit]Distract her with something funny.
- Make her laugh to get her mind off of what's upsetting her. Before you start cracking jokes, make sure that you think she'll be receptive. Wait until after she's vented a little or expressed that she doesn't want to talk about it. Once you get the go-ahead, tell jokes that you know that she'll like, send hilarious memes her way on Instagram, or bring over a comedy that you know she loves.[10] You can also try:[11]
- Talking about funny memories that you've shared
- Blasting her favorite songs and dancing around until she starts laughing
- Telling her a funny story
[Edit]Cook her some yummy food.
- A good meal can lift someone's spirits. Cook her favorite dish and show up at her house at dinnertime to surprise her. If you're not much of a cook, order some food from her favorite restaurant instead. Stay over for the meal so she has someone to spend time with over dinner.[12]
- If she's really upset and not feeling up to dinner, try making her a calming cup of hot tea instead.
[Edit]Give her a small gift.
- Bring over something small to cheer her up and show her that you care. Instead of something flashy or expensive, think of something that you know she will like. Even if it won't change what she's upset about, a gift from someone that cares about her will brighten her day.[13]
- If she likes comic books, buy a few comics or a graphic novel that you think she will enjoy. Attach a note that says something like, "Great comics always make me think of you. Hope you enjoy them!"
- Maybe she's a big music fan. Make a playlist of uplifting tunes to help cheer her up.
- If you're low on funds, try something small ike her favorite candy bar or a mini bouquet of flowers.
[Edit]Plan an activity that you know she'll enjoy.
- This will help get her mind off of things for a while. Once she's talked through how she's feeling, she may need a distraction to cheer her up. Ask if she'd like to do something fun to help out with that. If she says yes, take her out to the movies for the night, go mini-golfing, or spend time at a park and enjoy a beautiful day in nature.[14]
- If you're not sure what to do, ask her if there's anything she'd like to try. Make it clear that you're open to doing anything that would make her feel happy![15]
[Edit]References
- ↑ https://mhanational.org/blog/10-ways-cheer-someone-right-now
- ↑ [v161181_b01]. 24 September 2019.
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/lib/become-a-better-listener-active-listening
- ↑ [v161181_b01]. 24 September 2019.
- ↑ [v161181_b01]. 24 September 2019.
- ↑ [v161181_b01]. 24 September 2019.
- ↑ [v161181_b01]. 24 September 2019.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/lifetime-connections/201606/who-needs-hug-we-all-do
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/depression/helping-someone-with-depression.htm
- ↑ [v161181_b01]. 24 September 2019.
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/managing-conflicts-with-humor.htm
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/meet-catch-and-keep/201406/how-much-time-should-couples-spend-together
- ↑ https://blogs.scientificamerican.com/literally-psyched/the-psychology-behind-gift-giving-and-generosity/
- ↑ [v161181_b01]. 24 September 2019.
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/mental-health/benefits-of-play-for-adults.htm
from How to of the Day https://ift.tt/u5zXnwN
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