How to Snapchat Cheating

Detect cheating and confront your partner using our expert advice

Snapchat cheating is when a person deeply connects with someone other than their partner through the app. Because Snapchat deletes chats and pictures after sending them, cheaters turn to the app to keep their conversations a secret. We're here to help you figure out if your partner is using Snapchat to cheat, how to talk to them about your concerns, and what to do next.

This article is based on an interview with our marriage and family therapist, Moshe Ratson.

[Edit]Things You Should Know

• Snapchat cheating is when a person in a relationship chats or sends pictures to another person instead of their partner to fill an emotional or physical need.
• Signs of Snapchat cheating include your partner being secretive with their phone, checking Snapchat frequently, and acting distant or defensive in the relationship.
• Address the issue directly with your partner if you suspect they’re cheating. Then decide if you want to break up or if you're both willing to put in the effort to fix the relationship.

[Edit]Steps

[Edit]Common Signs of Snapchat Cheating

1. They may act secretive with their phone. If your partner is secretly chatting or sending pics to someone on Snapchat, they may try hiding their phone from your view. They may turn their screen away from you or put their phone away quickly when you’re around. They probably don’t want you to see what they’re doing because they’re worried about getting caught in the act.^[1]
   
   • Keep in mind your partner may be hiding their phone from you if they’re trying to surprise you with something if they only hide their phone once or twice. If it becomes a recurring pattern, then it may be a cause for concern.
2. They may be on their phone more frequently. When you notice that your partner is opening Snapchat more often or they always seem to have their phone out, they may be expecting a Snap from another person. You may see that they’re more focused on their phone rather than engaging with you or the people around them.^[2]
   
   • Be aware of how often your partner’s phone goes off during the day. If they get more notifications, especially late at night, then it could be a sign they’re cheating.
3. They may seem happier when they’re looking at their phone. If you see your partner smiling at their phone and they seem in a good mood after checking a notification, it may be a sign that they’re chatting with someone else. When they’re not able to check their phone, they may feel a little down and not as happy.^[3]
   
   • Cheating on Snapchat isn’t necessarily physical or sexual. Emotional cheating is when a person in a relationship opens up to someone else about issues they’d normally discuss with their partner. A person may not put the same energy into their committed relationship if they’re communicating their feelings to someone else.^[4]
   • Your partner smiling at their phone could also be caused by seeing something funny on social media or getting a message from another friend. Don’t be afraid to ask what’s made your partner so cheery to rule out any other possibilities before starting to worry.
4. They may have someone else as their Snapchat BFF. Check your own Snapchat account to see if your partner has a 💛, ❤️, or 💕next to their name, which means you are each other’s best friends. If you don’t see any hearts next to their name or the blushing face emoji (😊), then it means there’s someone else they’re sending pics and chats to more often than you.^[5]
   
   • Avoid snooping on your partner’s phone to look for evidence of Snapchat cheating. Looking through their phone, even if they have been cheating, can be a real breach of trust in the relationship.^[6]
5. They may not reply to your Snaps. When someone starts cheating, they may become unreachable and not respond to your messages through the app. They may reply when you reach out on other apps, but they may reserve Snapchat to use with the other person they’re talking to.^[7]
   
   • If you ask your partner why they won’t respond to your Snaps, they may not have a good reason or explanation if they’re cheating. If they were somewhere where they couldn’t look at their phone or where they couldn’t open their camera, then there may be no reason to stress.
6. They may get defensive if you ask about their behavior. If your partner feels guilty because they’re doing something they shouldn’t be, they may immediately come up with reasons to defend themselves when you call them out. They may even shut down and avoid the conversation because of the claims you’re making.^[8]
   
   • Your partner may also be quick to address any habits you have that they find undesirable to redirect the attention off of themselves.
7. They may focus on their appearance more. When your partner suddenly starts dressing well, grooming themselves, and caring more about how they look, they may be trying to impress the person they’re talking to on Snapchat. They may be putting in extra effort to look their best for any selfies they’re sending to the other person.^[9]
   
8. They may act more irritable or judgmental toward you. If you notice your partner has been a little easier to upset or especially nitpicky around you, it could be a sign they’re getting their emotional fill from someone else. They may be trying to make it seem like your relationship together isn’t going well as a way to justify their actions.^[10]
   
9. They may grow more distant from you. When your partner is more focused on a budding relationship over Snapchat, they may start neglecting your needs more frequently. They may not spend as much time with you or they may feel less attentive when you’re with them because they’re distracted by the other person they’re chatting with. You may also feel a break or shift in your emotional connection without any other explanation.^[11]
   
10. They may become less intimate with you. If your partner is sexting or sending inappropriate pics to someone on Snapchat, then they may not feel the need to be as intimate in your relationship. They may feel a little distant when you try to make advances, or they may turn you down because they aren’t in the mood. While it’s normal for someone to say no to sexual advances from time to time, a repeated pattern may be a cause for concern.^[12]
    
    • You may also notice that your partner doesn’t want to hug or cuddle as much if they’re getting their fill of intimacy from someone else.
11. They may not be as invested in your relationship. If you notice your partner is pulling away from you or that you’re getting into more arguments than usual, it may be a red flag that your partner is getting their needs met by someone else. While it’s normal for couples to have disagreements from time to time, it can be a cause of concern if it’s a new pattern that keeps repeating.^[13]
    

[Edit]Catching and Confronting a Snapchat Cheater

1. Ask your partner directly what’s going on. When you’re worried about changes in your partner’s behavior, it’s normal to feel really stressed and upset, so take a few deep breaths to calm down. When you’re feeling calm and collected, address your partner head-on about how you’re feeling. Even if it feels tough to do, be honest and fully transparent with what you’re noticing, and give your partner a chance to respond.^[14]
   
   • Example: “Hey, I’ve noticed that you’ve been on your phone a lot and hiding the screen from me. Is there something going on that we need to talk about?”
   • Example: “Recently you haven’t replied to my Snaps even when you message back on other apps. What’s going on that you don’t want to use Snapchat?”
   • Prepare yourself for the conversation by planning what you want to say ahead of time and taking some time for yourself to feel calm before bringing it up.
   • Staying calm will help encourage your partner to continue the conversation rather than getting defensive. If you’re feeling a lot of emotions right now, step away and do a calming activity, like meditating or journaling to release some tension.^[15]
   • It’s normal for cheaters to deny their actions when they’re confronted, and it can sting if you know they’re lying. Take a calming breath and ask your partner to explain any evidence you have against them to see if they have a valid explanation or not.
2. Tell your partner you’re unhappy with the relationship or their behavior. If you want to talk to your partner but aren’t positive if they’re cheating, discussing what’s missing in your relationship is a great way to bring up the issue. Tell your partner about the fears you have for the relationship and be honest about the way you’re feeling without making accusations. They may be able to explain what’s going on in their head, or they may recognize what behaviors they need to change if they want to continue a relationship with you.^[16]
   
   • Example: “I feel upset in our relationship when you’re being distant and not considerate toward my needs. I really want to stay together, but I sense you’re pulling away. Can we talk about it?”
   • Use “I” statements to focus on your feelings and discuss what you’re noticing in the relationship.^[17] For example, you may say, “I feel hurt and alone when we’re spending time together and you’re checking your phone.”
   • It can hurt if your partner admits that they have been cheating. It’s completely normal to be upset or anxious when you find out that your trust has been broken.^[18] Take as much time as you need to yourself and surround yourself with friends and family who are really supportive of you.
3. Stay alert when they’re on their phone to catch them in the act. When you’re with your partner, keep your eye on their phone screen to see if they open Snapchat and chat with someone else. If you see a naughty pic or a chat from someone, bring it up right away to let your partner know that you’ve caught on to their behavior.
   
   • Trying to catch your partner in the act and confronting them in response may lead to a larger argument where they deny what’s happening or get extremely upset. It may be better to address the situation in a different way if you want to have a productive conversation about your relationship.^[19]
   • Avoid installing spy apps on your partner’s phone to catch them because it’s illegal to track their texts, calls, and phone usage without their knowledge.^[20]
4. Talk to a couples counselor if you want to continue the relationship. If you find out your partner did cheat, it’s normal and perfectly valid for you to feel hurt and betrayed. Your partner who cheated may also feel guilty or ashamed of their behavior.^[21] If you’re really committed to the relationship and you both want to save it, reach out to a couples counselor. A counselor will help you and your partner openly talk and work through any issues you need to work through.^[22]
   
   • Rebuilding trust in your relationship can take time, but you can still have a successful relationship if you and your partner are both committed. Be sure to listen to each other’s feelings, take responsibility for your actions, and continue having open and honest communication with each other to help strengthen your bond again.^[23]
5. Exit the relationship if they aren’t willing to stop or change. If your trust is completely broken and your partner refuses to make any changes, then it may be best to end the relationship and move on. While it may be difficult and feel overwhelming in the moment, ending it now will save you from even more hurt feelings later on. Tell your partner that you aren’t going to accept their behavior calmly before walking away.^[24]
   
   • Keep in touch with your close friends and family to help support you through the decision.
   • Grief and healing take time after you end a relationship, so be patient and give yourself as long as you need to recover.
   • Hearing from a cheating partner after you’ve ended it can reopen old wounds, so go no-contact and block them on social media if you need some space for yourself.

[Edit]Tips

• It’s normal to feel betrayed, anxious, or insecure if you’ve been cheated on. Take as much time as you need to grieve over the relationship and heal from it. Try to remind yourself of all of your good qualities to remember that you’re worthy of a strong and loving relationship.^[25]
• Take time to calm down instead of lashing out with strong emotions if you’re confronting your partner to help prevent you from getting into a heated argument.^[26]

[Edit]References

1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/social-instincts/202211/3-ways-know-if-your-partner-is-emotionally-cheating
2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/friendship-20/201405/6-signs-your-partner-is-facebook-cheating
3. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/social-instincts/202211/3-ways-know-if-your-partner-is-emotionally-cheating
4. ↑ https://www.healthymarriageinfo.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/Emotional-Cheating.pdf
5. ↑ https://help.snapchat.com/hc/en-us/articles/7012335460372-What-do-my-Friend-Emojis-mean-on-Snapchat-
6. ↑ https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/0033294119899902
7. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/relationships/why-married-people-have-affairs#signs-of-cheating
8. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/friendship-20/201405/6-signs-your-partner-is-facebook-cheating
9. ↑ https://www.gqindia.com/content/5-signs-of-cheating-how-to-know-if-your-partner-might-be
10. ↑ https://www.glamour.com/story/subtle-signs-of-cheating-in-relationships
11. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/relationships/flirting-is-cheating#5-cases-when-flirting-is-cheating
12. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/social-instincts/202302/3-subtle-signs-of-cheating-and-what-to-do-about-them
13. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/finding-true-love/202005/six-signs-emotional-cheating
14. ↑ [v161006_b01]. 24 September 2021.
15. ↑ [v161962_b01]. 6 October 2021.
16. ↑ [v161440_b02]. 11 June 2020.
17. ↑ [v161962_b01]. 6 October 2021.
18. ↑ [v161025_b01]. 7 August 2019.
19. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/sex/2017/05/infidelity-and-gaslighting-when-cheaters-flip-the-script#2
20. ↑ https://adjustyourprivacy.com/phone-spy/legal/
21. ↑ [v161025_b01]. 7 August 2019.
22. ↑ [v161440_b02]. 11 June 2020.
23. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/toxic-relationships/202109/how-rebuild-trust-in-7-steps
24. ↑ [v161147_b01]. 29 June 2021.
25. ↑ [v161025_b01]. 7 August 2019.
26. ↑ https://www.psychalive.org/how-to-deal-with-jealousy/

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